Share – My eyes looked down at my menu as I wrestled with what to order. Making even the easiest decisions had become a chore after my eighteen-year-old son’s passing. A teen that was the age of my son caught my eye as he was sitting at the next table. Oh how I missed those moments of interacting with Grant over a yummy meal. I glanced over to see his father looking down at his phone. After a few minutes, I looked over to see that the dad was still captivated by his screen. Suddenly, life did not feel fair. My blood began to boil as the minutes increased and the father pressed on with prioritizing his electronic device rather than conversing with his child. I saw the teen grab his own phone and could hear him visiting with his mom while his dad ignored him. With each bite that the dad took, I could feel bitterness eating at me. I was angry!
Insights From Above – I was agitated with the dad and sad for the son. I was frustrated that the father couldn’t see the gift that was in front of him. As I was being taken away with my thoughts, my daughter stopped my internal dialogue to ask me a question. My concern over what felt like an injustice was carrying me away from my family’s needs as I was becoming distracted. God would not want me to become a restless and jealous person by harboring resentment toward someone who wasn’t embracing the moment. My Heavenly Father desires me to become better and not bitter by learning how to be present for my own family in spite of my son’s passing. I know that my ill feelings about the father’s actions were not going to change the situation.
Implementation – There will be times that I might hear a parent vent about their child or treat their child in a manner that doesn’t sit well with me. How I handle those interactions is essential to my overall well being. If I go around being offended because people aren’t seeing their life through grief lenses, then I am deciding to create additional drama and sorrow for myself. I also have a choice that I must stay true to the person I was before Grant’s death which was a peace-filled person who wore positivity where I went. Becoming someone who is “on edge” is not who I am and I know is not who the Lord wants me to be. Committing to hit the pause button on my emotions and recognize when I am feeling off track and negative has helped me walk more closely with Jesus in my trial.
Grounding Scripture – Hebrews 12:15- “Guard against turning back from the grace of God. Let no one become like a bitter plant that grows up and causes many troubles with its poison. ”
Prayer -Lord, I give thanks for the ability to turn to You and know that you listen to me when I am consumed with my struggles. May I stay rooted in your word and help me to grow in Your goodness, rather than becoming infested with bitterness. If I remain stuck in my anguish, I recognize that it will not help me or anyone else around me. I ask you to help me surrender to You and guide me to see Your love and grace in my life despite the way that I might feel. Amen
By Deana McGarr, Copyright 2018