Share- The text came through for an invitation to coffee from a friend who I had known since my son was five years old. I wanted to see her; yet I was not ready. I felt a need to be “with me” for a while and spend some time becoming acquainted with the woman that I was becoming since my loss. My identity quickly changed with Grant’s passing and the glue that had stuck my friend and me together seemed to be gone. I desired to see my friends again but in order for this to take place, I would have to find new ways to relate to them. I knew that it would not be healthy for me to live the rest of my life as a hermit.
My son was the bind between many of my friends and me. His presence is what had brought us together. Now, I had to learn in a new way how to interact with these friends with whom I had shared his life. My friend would be taking her child to college, attending weddings and partaking in memories which I would never have but I would not be participating in those activities because my son’s new home was in Heaven. Now was time to reframe my brain and focus on the memories which I had with my son, and not the ones I that didn’t have. This could only be done by taking the time to process my new reality and be intentional in my recovery.
A bear escapes the cold because food is scarce with the intent to retreat in order to restore. This analogy of going away for a while and insulating myself from the world seemed like a good idea. I knew that I was now in my own form of hibernation and that it would be temporary but necessary for my own well being. Many would say that I was isolating and tucking myself away so that I would not have to deal with life; however, my time with me was an essential part of my day to day survival. I did not put a time line on my alone time as it was essential for my recovery. I had family and friends that needed me, so I set in my mind that this would only last for a season.
Insights From Above- I was in Holy hibernation. I had to work things out with God in solitude and be inspired by Jesus who would intentionally have time with his Father in Heaven and pray. I was not running from my problems but was turning to the Lord to do the fixing in me. I was, in fact, dealing with my new reality by choosing to chat with the Lord and take my worries to him.
Application- Before I could be a true friend again to anyone else, I learned that I had to journal to Jesus and take all of my woes to Him. I began each entry out by giving thanks. I found that by expressing myself in this manner restored some of my brokenness and heartache.
Grounding Scripture- Mark 1:35 “ Very early the next morning, long before daylight, Jesus got up and left the house. He went out of town to a lonely place where he prayed. “
Prayer– Lord, Thank you for the Holy Spirit that guides me in my journey towards restoration. May I take the time to hibernate with You and let Your love carry me. Warm my frozen and aching heart with Your friendship and open my eyes to see Your love and faithfulness despite my lack of understanding. Strengthen me to travel to my lonely places and linger with You. Amen
Groundedwords, Copyright 2018, Deana McGarr